Make life easier on yourself
a season for giving and receiving
wow, beautiful souls. It has been a super intense past few weeks for me. As some of you know, I suffer from skin issues. When I was younger it was classic eczema in the creases of my arms and little patches around my mouth and eyes. But in my 20’s I started to get these massive attacks that would debilitate me. Looking back, they weren’t eczema but because I had dealt with eczema my whole life, I figured that’s what this skin rash was. They were so bad that the doctors would put me on oral steroids to “reset” my immune system. And it worked. Until it didn’t and actually had a reverse effect, making this skin flare up more intense and awful after getting off the medicine.
So I had that happen again recently and I have been trying to recover from it. I’m not writing this for pity but just to explain a few things:
Why I haven’t written for a couple weeks.
That when life is tough—like when you’re having a full body reaction that renders you basically useless while also trying to care for two babies—make life easier on yourself. Order the take out. Ask for help. Admit you need help. I’m so grateful for the people in my life who have helped me right now as I have been less than capable (mainly Joe but also my mom). I read something recently that was an interaction between a patient and his therapist and the patient was saying something to the effect of, “when I run the dishwasher the dishes sometimes are still dirty and it’s frustrating and overwhelming.” And the therapist response with, “run the dishwasher twice.” wow. What a novel concept. When life gets tough, it’s ok to do these things, to make the things that are supposed to help us, help us. Like, leaving the knife in the cake platter so you can cut a slice a thin slice for yourself every time you go in the kitchen.
Accept the help. When people help me I feel overwhelmed with gratitude. I find myself thanking them profusely and humbled by their generosity of service. For example, I take Giovanni to story time at the PG Adult School. The whole thing is just precious. It’s outdoors and the teacher has props and plays the guitar and sings. It’s active and interactive and just wonderful. Now the thing is, Giovanni is just 21 months old so him sitting down for story time is simply not going to happen. I will say, we read to him at home and he loves it and sits through the stories (for the most part) but outdoors with other kids and snacks, ladybugs, easels with paint, a sandbox, etc. is much more difficult. And I can’t blame him, I also have a difficult time paying attention and I’m a lot older than 21 months. It would be easier for him if I could sit on the ground criss-cross-applesauce like the other moms/dads/grandmas/grandpas and have him sit in my lap but Naya has other plans for me. She usually shrieks to be nursed or held just as story time is beginning and so poor Giovanni is left wandering the perimeter of the mat eyeing everyone’s snack box for better options than what I packed him. Or a more interesting water bottle. Where I’m going with this is, so many moms/dads/grandmas/grandpas step in and help take care of Giovanni when I’m tending to Naya and I’m always thanking them endlessly. The other day Tayta Lyla said in her amazingly positive voice,1 “oh stop, you would do the same.” And it got me thinking. Yes, I would do the same and not think a thing about it. I have held countless babies so moms could go to the bathroom. I have picked up groceries for friends when they needed it and cooked for other friends when they were recovering from surgeries or childbirth. I have done people’s laundry (an “act of service” baby shower gift I gave to a friend during the pandemic when I lived alone and had a washer and dryer and she didn’t). I do these things without wanting anything in return, it makes me happy to help others. But…it is so difficult to be on the receiving end. And why is that?! So, I’m writing this just as much for myself than for others, there are seasons in life where we need help and it’s ok to accept the help. It doesn’t mean I am any less of a person. It does not make me bad or needy or greedy. It simply makes me human, navigating this life through a difficult time. And in the seasons in life where we are able to give, we ought to give.
So, beautiful souls. Whatever season you are in, be there. If it’s your time to give, I hope you give generously, keeping in mind that one day you may be on the other end. And if it’s a time for you to receive, do not feel shame for accepting, be grateful to have family and friends and sometimes even strangers who can help and support you. Sometimes a genuine “thank you” is all you have to say. And know that when this season is over you will give again.
Tayta is grandma in Arabic and Lyla is a dear childhood friend’s mom. But even if she wasn’t my friend’s mom, she is one of the loveliest people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing and would treat anyone as well as she treats me. She bakes “fuffins” that Giovanni goes searching for as soon as we arrive at story time.