On integrity
and the importance of human relationships
I had the good fortune of growing up in a small town. I often wonder what it would have been like to grow up in a big city…taking the bus or metro places, not bumping into every one I know downtown, etc. I’m sure it has its own magic but that’s not my story.
My childhood was small town. Maybe all small towns are like this or just mine but I knew a lot of people who owned their own businesses—artists, shop owners, property managers, etc. And I even worked for a few local small businesses when I was in high school. I was a typist for a small women’s clothing boutique, I did bookkeeping for a personal organizer, I helped a couple businesses (a yoga studio and a dance studio) with a whole lot of odd tasks as they were gearing up to open, and several more. I learned a lot from those small business owners, most of what I knew about taxes (until my mid-twenties when I had to learn more) I learned from them…tracking mileage for business purposes, what a tax write off is, saving receipts, and a whole lot more.
But probably the most important thing I learned about small business owners is the value of treating people well and understanding relationships and customer service. For example, I went into the corner market down the street the other day. It was almost bedtime for the kids and I needed (wanted) to buy a bottle of wine for after they slept. I happen to know that the owner of this little market is Syrian because he has heard me speaking to Giovanni and we struck up a conversation. I grabbed a bottle of wine and took it to the counter. The gentleman immediately gave Giovanni a chocolate. Giovanni took it as his face was overcome with wonder. I told him to say thank you, which he did and then I told him he could eat it after dinner. He held onto it like it was his most prized possession because hey, an unexpected piece of chocolate is wonderful, whether you’re two or thirty two.
I then pushed the bottle of wine forward and pulled out my wallet.
In Arabic he said “no no, this one’s on us.”
“No—” I said, unsure of what to say.
“No, really,” he said with a huge smile on his face.
“Please, I’d like to pay,” I insisted.
And he insisted more that he wasn’t taking my money.
So, overcome with a combination of shame, gratitude, and wonder, I took the bottle of wine and walked to my car.
As I drove home I thought to myself, I want to patronize this business! I’m going to buy wine or q-tips or scotch tape or ice cream or whatever and rather than get a “deal” from a big box store or a corporation, how about about I buy what I need when I need it, pay a little more, and support this lovely human’s livelihood.
In the past few weeks I’ve had a couple bad experiences with small businesses. I know how difficult it is to run a small business and the owner is often short staffed because he or she is the whole staff, besides maybe family who has to help him or her so that they can free up some of their loved one’s time so they can spend it together.
Little things like making your business inaccessible to a customer, like having an answering service answer the phone and not responding to emails. Or charging someone who is promising to bring you loads of business for a beer.
Just today I decided not to order a cake from a locally owned bakery because the staff was making it so difficult for me to pay for it, their phone number was just an answering service that told me to email them to place a custom cake order but when I emailed them they told me to call to pay for the cake…
And then the other day I ordered a steak and I will spare you my whole steak rant that I’ve now told a number of times but the long and short of it is it wasn’t good. And to add insult to injury, it was smothered in gravy despite being ordered “Pittsburg rare” or “black and blue” after an at length discussion with the server about what that meant, with emphasis on the charred steak taste. But you know, most restaurants order their food from the same few distributors…where is the wonder in that? Where is the delight in thin-skinned summer strawberries that are deformed and small and sweet and taste like strawberries. Or spring lamb and winter gamey meats like goose and venison.
I’m just saying that even in a world of AI and social media and automation and getting your groceries auto-delivered by Amazon, we still need birthday cakes. And bottles of wine. And a chocolate here and there, gifted to us unexpectedly from someone. And fresh peaches. And funky tomatoes. And baguettes. Not everything is about profit margins or how things look on Instagram. What matters is making someone smile and vowing in your heart to patronize a business…and doing it.
Happy Friday, beautiful souls, it’s not too late to plant your vegetable gardens—at least on the Central Coast. Get those tomato seedlings or strawberry plants in. And find some local businesses that you love, that you can have relationships with the staff with and go there. And go there regularly. Become a regular! How lovely that you can do that. That someone will remember your name and the troubles you share with them. And miss you when you don’t show up to have your weekly (or nightly) martini or buy your weekly batch of kettle corn.
Grove Market!