Be present
our greatest gift
Happy Friday, beautiful souls.
We are all addicted to our stupid phones. Maybe I shouldn’t speak for you all but I certainly am. The other day over breakfast Giovanni whined “put the phone there,” as he pointed to the table.
I looked up from whatever I was doing that is absolutely not more important than eating breakfast with my two year old. And I put my phone on the table. It was like a punch to the gut.
His demeanor immediately changed. He was happy and babbling again. And I felt awful.
The phones are designed to be addictive. You don’t need scientific research to tell you that. It’s obvious but the science also backs that up.
Luckily we have people in our lives like my almost-80 year old father who will openly say “look at that stupid person on their phone.” He would never say that to the person but he does in front of me and it’s true. People crossing the street without looking up because they’re watching a video on TikTok. Or texting someone.
It is really hard. We are being constantly pulled to our phones and we have gotten to the point that we don’t know what to do when we put it away. We subconsciously look for it. To check it. To check messages, stocks, emails, scores, whatever.
This is awful. It’s hard but I have to stop. How can I expect my children to have good behavior if I am not modeling it.
The other day Giovanni grabbed my phone and held it with both hands. He wobbled his head from left to right with a silly grin on his face as he pounded on the screen with his index finger. He looked ridiculous. Do I look ridiculous when I’m absorbed by the 3x6” screen? Yes, absolutely. It’s stupid and it’s rotting our brains and ruining our relationships.
So, beautiful souls, I am deciding to be less attached to my phone. If that means I don’t respond to texts in a timely manner, I’m sure you will all understand. My relationship with my babies and my husband is more important than being constantly on.
I think the greatest gift we can give our loved ones is our time. Obviously our love, too but what’s love without time. You can say you love someone but showing up is 90% of it (maybe more? I’m just making this up). Showing up when things are hard, easy, fun, silly, growing season, harvesting season, drought season, it’s about showing up and being present. This is noticeable in a two year old but I’ve come to accept that two year olds are just adult humans with a magnifying glass on all their needs. Hangry? Biggest tantrum ever. Tired? Why not be irritable and moody. Thirsty? Let’s dump our water on the ground. But…I have also noticed that those tantrums and disruptions are minimized or quelled if you are simply present. Sit with them, hold them, be there. Yes, I cut the spaghetti too small for your liking but if I sit here with you for a moment you will forget and we will be silly and eat it together.
And I imagine that’s the case for all humans but the big variety of humans may have a more difficult to discern way of expressing that. Like, rather than say “I’m upset” or throw a fit, adults will be mean or shut down or engage in destructive behavior.
Happy Friday, beautiful souls. Show up for your loved ones. Turn the phone off. Don’t be so rattled if someone you love is unhinged. Maybe they’re going through something and they just need you there for them. And also…big hugs go a long way.